Satire: Warrior falls for cabbage, a true love story

 

Cabbage is a vegetable world famous for nutrients. It can be cooked separately or served with other vegetables as salad. It is a vegetable known for its flexibility, not rigidity. It has many layers.

Cabbage, according to dietitians, can help improve digestion too. Even if it marries a holy warrior (a ‘Mujahid’) one digests the news without a burp. There is no acid reflux.

Packed with vitamin C, cabbage is also known as an excellent source of vitamin K. And cabbage family is a big family. According to doctors, there are also cabbage worms.

Political scientists say that most cabbage worms are found in hilly areas like Kashmir where they can fall in love with holy warriors. It generally happens because of freaky weather conditions.

Even the most honest and upright warriors can fall in love with cabbage worms. The condition is that the warrior should owe at least INR 100 Crore to a local bank and the cabbage worm should have grown in different kitchen gardens. Besides this, should have good hold over the spoken word.

When you find cabbage worms and cabbage loopers, you might also find the eggs and larvae of the diamondback moth and the zebra caterpillar, mostly found in north Kashmir. The camouflage of these creatures, according to experts, is excellent.

Meanwhile, the cabbage and warrior are romantic puritans. In romantic illusion, they can achieve anything. Nothing is impossible for the duo.

If a cabbage happens to be foreign educated then it can easily fall for an intellectually stimulating warrior who is not corrupt, but owes only INR 100 Crore or more to a bank. As a strategy, they first hurl invective on one another so that the people in conservative societies do not get suspicious about their relationship. They try their best to hide their affair before they start laughing, eating, sleeping and weeping together.

On return to homeland, a young and foreign educated cabbage of a special variety began attracting attention by a pro-Kashmir vitamin on Indian menu. Cabbage spoke eloquently against a former chief minister of Jammu and Kashmir and his ‘dynastic politics’.

By virtue of Hope articles the cabbage hoped to bring about a positive change in Kashmir’s political kitchen gardens. The articulation of cabbage was its biggest strength and weakness. The loose talk more often than not landed cabbage in occasional trouble. It was the largest growing vegetation in a garden named ‘chewable nationhood’.

One fine day the cabbage decided to call it quits after chewing nationhood and decided to grow in Gupkar gardens. The word morality the cabbage hated the most. The cabbage wanted autonomy now. The cabbage learned how to compose pro-Abdullah tweets. It wrote articles and launched attacks against chewable nationhood with articulation.

In another season, this special variety of cabbage chose to go back to “chewable” nationhood garden and began criticizing autonomy garden. The cabbage worms had a heated discussion with a holy warrior. Both accused each other of fraud and corruption. Actually, none was corrupt. They were in love. Love is blind. In love you accuse wildly; left, right and center.

The holy warrior had expertise in cold storage and radio taxis. He also knew how not to repay loans with confidence and morality. He always had a high moral ground. He was in awe of the cabbage.

Finally, after much drama the warrior married the cabbage. The wedding was attended to by two gentlemen. The owner and author of “chewable” nationhood performed the Nikah ceremony. Another moralistic defaulter was the witness!

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to any person living or dead is purely coincidental.